A journey through the Desert

Photos of the Balashram Trek

Whilst I have called this a journey, for me it was a pilgrimage, a journey back to the arms of The Divine. How I came to be on this journey you can read about in the article “The Balashram Trek”.

As the day finally arrived for us to embark on this adventure I had a mixture of excitement and trepidation; trepidation probably winning the day!!! The holdall, (which is a misname as mine really struggled to hold all!!) was bulging at the sides, as I had worked through the list of things to take supplied by the trek company, including various remedies for diarrhoea, thermals for the cold nights, jumpers for mount Sinai, a washing up bowl for washing …….. So many “in cases”

I wave my beautiful family goodbye as the train pulls out of the station. I am sure my children must wonder what they did in a past life to get me as a mother!!! My fellow travelling companions, Maureen, Sue and Trisha, join me at Wigan station; such a relief to find I am on the right train. Having been brought up on a very remote farm, I still have the “country bumpkin” in my consciousness and never quite feel at ease with public transport or even lots of traffic. Amazing how the past subtly influences us! As we travel we think about the number 4, as there are four of us. 4 seasons, 4 archangels, 4 directions, 4 corners, “go forth” and such, when we reach the 4 horsemen of The Apocalypse a strange silence descends upon us. We realise we really have no idea what we are undertaking and probably just as well!

Overnight stay in London and then up at 5.00am off to Gatwick. As we meet the larger group a deep desire to go home comes over me. Now I know I am meant to do this, my personality is bringing the fear to try to stop me. I smile to my fears and breathe. “Why am I going” I ask my self, my inner voice replies “To see if you can know me in this”. “Can I know God in discomfort, physical pain, heat and goodness knows what else?” When I wake up after the first night in the hotel, I am greeted with an amazing sight. I am cocooned in the loving arms of the surrounded hills, in an oasis of luxury in this Spartan landscape, “make the most of it” I think to myself “especially the loo, leaving civilisation behind tomorrow”!!

Went to morning meditation, here I was expecting peace and calm and we were right next to the kitchens with Arabic singing, shouting and clattering throughout! I realised that it was only a reflection of my own internal chatter; and that as we try to bring in the peace and calmness, the mass consciousness will try to disturb it, to draw you out back in to the world. To hold “God” consciousness is not easy it requires discipline and sincerity. The world is continually pulling us down in to the realm of illusions.

What to take up Mount Sinai; rucksack full to bursting! One of the major things I learnt from this whole experience was how much unnecessary baggage I still carry!!! What a challenge, what a joy. At times I felt such elation, at times I felt “I will never do this”.

It was nearly time for sunset and we were at the bottom of the 750 steps to the top; this reminded me of The Path it gets harder the further along you go! A beautiful Bedouin got hold of Sue’s hand and literally began to run up the steps with her; this reminded me that the higher beings are ever waiting for us to take their hand and allow them to lead us to our highest aspiration. I felt so inspired, I though of all the help we had received raising the monies, I knew so many people were praying for us, and suddenly I felt a warm energy of lightness behind me, like I was being lifted and I began to ascend. “Oh God the joy”, every step felt like I was releasing karma, being cleansed, being healed, being held. When the urge to give up is at its strongest, through faith, God and Divine helpers we are lifted. “Oh God, Oh God, Oh God” became my prayer throughout the desert, no longer a cry of anguish, but one of deep inexplicable joy even in the pain.

The sun waited for us, and then blessed us as it sunk in the clear sky. Mount Sinai was beyond words for me, to see my sister Sue blessed by Babaji and then realise she was facilitating a blessing for us all. The oneness; the majesty; the peace; but mostly the love cannot be limited by the words of this world. As we descended my thighs shook, fear arose, would I still be able to walk tomorrow. “Be here now” I thought “tomorrow will be what it will”. Here now was joy. As we all switch our lights out the enormity of the universe stretched before us.

I experienced both my smallness and my vastness in a single moment. The stars seemed to be pulsing and dancing, revealing their Divine nature, just as out heart beats within us giving us life, so the universe pulses with the same life of the Divine that governs the beats of our hearts. The next day the trek started for real ( apparently Mount Sinai was just a bit of a party!!!) As each day was very much like the previous, with a relentless sun beating down and trying to discipline the mind to stop complaining whilst encouraging the physical to keep going I will just share a few of my insights. When the going got tough I prayed more! When the going was easy I became distracted, chattered, and forgot to “talk” with The Divine. I realised that sometimes challenge is sent to us not as a punishment but to remind us to talk with God. Pain makes us think more of prayer. What joy there was in praying, I felt I wanted the sun to burn away all my illusions to fill me with Divine spirit, in the deep pain and the struggle, I knew God. I felt all the ancestors in every step; I realised how my very existence is dependant on so many things and that all my ancestors are present in every step. At times it felt like Abraham was walking inside me. But more than this, I realised God was in every step, is in every step we make.

Whether we are aware of it or not God is walking inside us. I realised the power of my past practise, God in every breath, God in every step. Here it was a reality, not a practise. In the silence, the extreme heat, the lack of human contact, I began to experience a deep acceptance of myself; I felt an old part of me that no longer served me dying. On the very last day we passed through a canyon that felt like we were travelling through the birth canal, a deep confirmation that in some way we were being reborn.

When I close my eyes even now, I see the brightness of the desert sun and my mind fills with light. It is like a connection to the light has been made that when I still my mind and remain calm is eternal and indestructible. As we emerged from the desert, the red sea appearing in the distance I felt a tremendous sorrow at what I was leaving behind. I did not want to return to everyday consciousness. Then I realised all I have to do is visit the inner desert, the inner wilderness, the inner stillness and I am back there, Divinely connected in joy. There is much I am still processing and I feel that this desert pilgrimage will continue to influence my consciousness and bring deep insights for a very long time

Other Article
Julie Wise interview with the Times (Click on link to read article)
Time is On My Side! (Click on link to read article)
Life With a builder (Click on link to read article)
The Balashram trek (Click on link to read article)